


the other half

by orphan_account



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Empathy, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:58:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7150118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I do not fear God's wrath with you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	the other half

**Author's Note:**

> since the episode where kira mentioned that she can feel the clone's feelings i've been wondering if anyone else in the clone club goes through anything similar. so i figured the only rational thing to do was write psychic lesbian incest because what else was i gonna do?

Sarah woke up hot; chest heaving, blankets pushed onto the floor, hot. The AC in Felix’s apartment was only reliable in how unreliable it was, so like clockwork it had given out in the middle of the afternoon a couple days earlier, leaving her to sweat, and toss and turn for the last three nights while she crashed at Felix's place. But tonight it didn’t feel like the heat had woken her up. Or at least, not heat having to do with the summer.

Sarah realized, as she slowly came back to consciousness, that her hand had slipped down her shorts while she was sleeping and was tucked down into her panties. She couldn’t remember what she’d dreamed about but she remembered the vague sensation of being touched, and then something like guilt settling down into the bottom of her gut, heavy and ugly. It was strange, she didn’t usually have sex dreams; between the general craziness of her life and her erratic sleeping schedule. She usually either didn’t dream at all or had anxious dreams about the future. But this - even now she could still feel the pull of arousal in her stomach and that frightening guilt that’d followed her faceless lust.

Sarah pulled her hand out of her underwear. She was tired, dead tired, and needed to get some sleep more than she needed to get off. She tried to lay still, slow her breathing and her heart rate down, but it wasn’t working. It was like her arousal was this stranger in her body, growing mindlessly when she tried to starve it out.

“What the fuck,” she whispered into the dark. This really wasn’t like her at all. The pounding of her heart, the heat, rolling through her in these waves. The feeling like she was filthy for wanting this, dirty, a disgusting creature full of sin, full of evil -

Sarah gasped, sitting up in bed. Helena. This wasn’t her arousal at all it was hers. She didn’t know how she knew, didn’t know why she would even be able to feel her sister's emotions but she was right, she knew it. Still breathing heavily, trying to make her head stop spinning, she listened. Sure enough she heard it, water running in Felix’s bathroom. She’d been pushing the sound out of her mind earlier but she knew what it was now. Felix hadn’t come the previous night so there was only one person it could be.

Quietly, she got out of Felix’s bed, stepping lightly towards the bathroom. Through the dangling curtain she could see Helena, wearing some of Felix’s old pajamas, kneeling down in front of the bathroom sink. Her forehead was pressed against it and there was water dripping from her curly hair. There was steam rising from the faucet. 

Sarah gently parted the curtain and stepped inside, turning off the faucet. Helena made a quiet moaning sound.

“Did I wake you, sestra?” she asked. Her voice sounded ragged.

“Nah, couldn’t sleep.” Sarah sat down on the tiled floor, legs crossed. Her heart was pounding and her blood felt hot but she tried to ignore it. “You okay?”

“No I am not,” Helena said. She pulled herself back away from the sink and Sarah could see that her face was red and dripped, like it had been soaking in a hot bath. The front of her shirt was drenched. “The Devil has been calling me.”

“The Devil? What’s the Devil want with you?”

“He sends me vision in my dreams. Ugly things, Sarah.” She tilted her head back enough that she could see Sarah over her shoulder and Sarah felt another wave of nausea and fear hit her. It was terrifying and raw, whatever it was, but it did nothing to deter the aroused feeling.

Already knowing the answer, Sarah asked: “What kind of visions, huh?”

For a moment Helena’s mouth hung open silently, her eyes glazed over. And then softly, she said, “I saw you, sestra. You were with Kira’s father. You spread your legs and sat in his lap. He called you sweet names and you bit his neck like a dog.”

Sarah sucked in a breath. If Helena had only mentioned Kal it wouldn’t have been much of anything. But the specific details - it was like she'd pulled them right out of Sarah's head.

“I am trying to cleanse the visions from my soul so my body will forget them but it is very hard.” Sarah heard the faint sound of squeaking leather and noticed for the first time that Helena had a belt in her hands and was violently twisting it back and forth. “You should leave for this, it will not be pleasant for your eyes to see.”

“Oh hell no.” Sarah reached forward to pull the belt out of Helena’s hand but her grip was tight. When she pulled again Helena finally looked at her, meeting her gaze. She eyes were red, even with all the water that she’d splashed on her face Sarah could see that they were wet with tears.

“You are too kind, sestra. That is why I don’t want you to see. It will hurt your heart.”

“See what? You beating yourself?” Sarah pulled on the belt again but it barely budged. “Well that’s too damn bad I’m not going anywhere, Helena.”

Helena made a low growling noise and pulled the belt out of her grasp. Sarah sighed. “Please, Helena, please, don’t do this to yourself. You don’t need to feel this way just because you got a little turned on.”

Helena flinched away at her words and covered her ears. “No sestra, do not speak of such things like that.”

“Please Helena.” Sarah gently pushed her hands away from her ears and wrapped her arms around Helena’s shoulders. She could feel her shaking and pulled her so that Helen’s back was flat against her chest. “I’m sorry you’re feeling what you’re feeling, Helena. You shouldn’t have to feel things that I felt. But that doesn’t mean that the way you’re feeling right now is a bad thing. You don’t need to be ashamed and you don’t need to be afraid.”

Helena was surprisingly still in her arms and her fingers suddenly grasped tightly at Sarah’s arms. “What do you mean when you say this?”

“That you don’t need to be afraid?”

“That I feel,” Helena said, her voice a strange excited whisper, “what you feel?”

Sarah thought for a moment before deciding to go with the truth. “I don’t know,” she said. “I really don’t know. But it’s like I woke up feeling this wave of guilt and shame that just wasn’t mine. I don't know how but I knew it was you.”

Helena was quiet again and then she was dropping the belt, the tension flowing out of her bed until she was almost a dead weight against Sarah’s chest. “Our connection,” she said, almost reverently.

“Yeah, I guess that’s gotta be it.”

“The Devil did not send me these images, you did sestra.”

Sarah huffed out a small laugh. “My bad.”

“Yes, very much your bad,” Helena said. “The feeling doesn’t leave me though.” Sarah heard her swallow. “Like an angry fire in my belly. Sestra. Sestra, I want to quench it.”

“Yeah,” Sarah said. “I can tell. I can feel it.” And she did. Without the fear and the shame to stamp it down, Sarah could feel the full force of her sister’s arousal hot in her own veins. Helena was shaking with it, and now it was Sarah’s turn to feel frightened. It was like she was standing on the precipice of something huge. Helena touched her arms, unfolding them and taking her hands in her own. Gently, as though Sarah was the one who might be scared away, Helena pulled Sarah’s hands down her body.

“Will you help me with this Sarah?” And Sarah felt it, an answering rush in her own body, driving her forward like it was the most natural thing on earth to shove a hand into Helena’s pajama bottoms and blindly grope for her cunt in the dark of the bathroom.

Helena was quiet when Sarah finally found it. She didn’t wear panties, which didn’t surprise Sarah but she was wet beneath her fingers and was breathing heavy but quiet open-mouthed gasps before Sarah even began to stroke her. She threw her head back and her wet hair was warm against the side of Sarah’s face. This felt so natural, Sarah thought, somehow feeling both completely insane and at home. Like she was doing nothing but touching herself.

“I was told I would grow hairs on my hands if I touched myself,” Helena said. She shuddered when Sarah slowly slide a finger into her. “That I would become like animal and never be accepted into God’s light.”

“That sounds like a load of bullshit to me,” Sarah said.

“I do not know, sestra. But I - I do not fear god’s wrath with you. How can the other half of my soul lead me to darkness?”

“Yeah,” Sarah said softly, continuing to stroke. It was strange, she couldn't imagine doing this with Cosima or Allison but it really felt right, touching Helena like this. She was wet, clenching lightly around Sarah like she was still fighting the natural urges of her body. “I can get that.”

Sarah thought about what she liked when she was in bed, what she liked to do when she touched herself. She took her free hand and slipped it under Helena's wet shirt. 

"Ahhh," Helena said softly when Sarah groped  one of her breasts. 

"It's alright Helena, I got you."

She felt Helena nodding her head. "Yes, sestra. I trust you."

"That's good. Just relax." She flicked Helena's nipple with her thumb and then circled it around gently. Her skin was warm and slippery from the water she'd poured on herself earlier but it made it easy for her squeeze and let the warm flesh slide through her fingers.

Helena was mostly quiet but Sarah could feel the phantom pleasure in her own body. Helena's pleasure feeding into her own and then feeding back into Helena's in some weird loop of emotions that built and built until Sarah couldn't tell the difference between her feelings and her sister's.

She was close already, Sarah could feel it. Felt the heat at the bottom of her stomach and the tension in her sister's spine. It was weird to somehow know with absolute certainty that no one had ever touched her this way before. That she had no tolerance in her, no ability to hold herself back longer than a teenager could. So when she added the soft press of her thumb to her clit Helena clenched around the finger pressed inside of her, body going tight for a moment, and then slowly loosening back to normal as she sighed.

Sarah pulled her fingers back, and noticed, disturbingly, that all trace of her own arousal was gone. The moment Helena had come the nameless, faceless heat had just left her body. She was relaxed, as relaxed as Helena must have been. This was something that she'd have to look into at some point. Which wasn't really a conversation she was looking forward to having with Cosima. _Hey sis, guess who psychically got her sister wet then finger fucked her?_ No, better keep it a secret.

“Sarah,” Helena said quietly. The side of her face was pressed against Sarah’s at an odd angle but Sarah didn’t really want to move.

“Yeah?”

“I heard a tale long ago. A blasphemous tale.” Helena licked her lips. “That there once were beasts walking the earth with two faces and four arms and four legs. And they were happy and whole creatures but their god was vengeful and split them in two so they would be weak.”

“I heard that one, yeah,” Sarah said. “We learned a little of mythology when I was a kid.”

“The creatures were doomed to look for their other halves for the rest of their lives where once they were strong.” Sarah knew she didn’t need to say anything to that. She leaned forward so that her chin was against her sister's shoulder. She heard Helena chuckle softly to herself.

“What pitiable creatures.”


End file.
